Two Hands

inner silence

I’m not angry any more

Chipped, like my favorite mug; not perfect by any means

I’m not sorry and I am sorry

Like two hands brought together in prayer

I don’t have the answers but I will bring those hands together

And wish us both peace

Photo: Alice Popkorn

Discover challenge: Apology

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Wake Up

arrive

It’s not that dreams are bad, they’re just not real. Not nearly as amazing as waking up.

On the one hand you have the familiar: your deep unhappiness, your pain, your familiar burdens. You’re mostly ok with that because you have dreams. Dreams of Better, More, Different, Improved.

And when you’re used to living small, you need dreams. I did. I do. But there comes a point when you need to choose the red pill. Or is it the blue one?

You choose to wake up and let your blankie go… you embrace your pain and your hurt. You don’t imagine a better future. You find your peace, your Self, in the present. Right where you’ve always been.

And maybe you’re able to face that like a warrior, like someone who remembers we’re not given more than we can handle. As long as you have you… is it (any of it) really so bad? Remember yourself? That sweet, amazing person who has been longing for your attention, possibly for years? Yeah. She’s right there. She has some things to say. And it has nothing to do with dreaming of that future achievement… and everything to do with finding happiness now. No strings attached, no future fulfillment required. Total, amazing, completeness that allows for all possibility.

 

Photo: Alice Popkorn

Word prompt: Dream

The Curly Tailed Beast

Monsters don’t jump out of closets, they clack across old linoleum with big eyes and lolling tongues. They act on impulse, quirk their heads when confused, and jump at the scent of food. Believe me, they have an agenda. Don’t let their outward cuteness sway you – I made that mistake once and pay for it every day. You may very well ask how I live with it.

I won’t bore you with the saga of sharing a small apartment with a pug. Better to ask how clouds form rain. Why E = MC2.  You don’t want to hear about their snoring. Their incessant need to lick everything in sight. The food addiction, the obscene shedding. Life is too short to talk about their half goat/ half pig genetics. These are horrors that would haunt your dreams.

Just beware this beast if you ever come across it. Their eyes will mesmerize you as they reach into your very soul…  you will find yourself reaching out to touch them. My friend, at that point you will be lost and all hope gone. Go to your closet, throw out all your dark clothes and prepare for a new life. Some say their devotion is worth the trade-off. Their love a balm to life’s misfortunes. But I say there is nothing so terrifying as a hungry pug. And just because I *must* kiss my own every day does not mean I have succumbed to his charms. I mean look at that face! He’s so cute annoying. You are warned!

Saga

A Gab with the Buddha

Buddha sat crossed legged on a grass mat. “Ok, sister, let me have it.”

I picked at a corner of my thumb nail I thought… the problem was that I had so many questions I didn’t know where to start. “I’m not Buddhist, you know…”

“Yeah,” he smiled softly. “I get that. Try not to get caught up in labels. Just let it fly, don’t think about it first.”

I mentally reviewed how I managed to be here, sitting in front of Siddhartha… One minute I was rubbing a laughing Buddha belly at the counter of the Natural Foods Cafe, and the next, I found myself in this ethereal forest breathing Nag Champa incense.

Strangely accepting of this surreal moment I leaned forward. “Can you foresee the future? Or are just going to tell me to look within? Because I’ve tried that. There’s not a lot there.”

“So you think there’s a within… and a without?”

I blinked.  “Isn’t there?”

He smiled.  “I can see the future sometimes… but to be specific, I can definitely see your future now. And here’s the fortune in your fortune cookie: You’re going to live a long life.”

I cringed. The suckage that was my existence stretched into a distant future. This wasn’t exactly good news.

Narrowing his eyes, he continued. “Yeah, a long life. Along the way you’re going to be surprised by yourself. You’ll make some bad choices, some elegant choices, and then you’ll come to a ‘big decision.’ I’m not talking about something like should you take a new job or stay where you are, growing your 401k. I’m talking about life. And death. Bliss.” He settled deeper into himself, closing his eyes. “You’re going to decide if you’ll become … me. And that decision will come up again and again until it gets answered.”

The incense started to burn my eyes. A vibration started at the base of my spine like the singing of a Tibetan bowl. Time was almost up.

Suddenly the light around me grew brighter and brighter. I could barely see Buddha’s outline as I became engulfed in golden flame. “Om mani padme hum, sister.” He opened one eye and winked. “Just remember… being the Buddha is no excuse to let loose on the donuts. A big belly is optional. And one more thing… I believe in you.”

The buzzing sensation grew louder, until I couldn’t think. As quick as a snap, I was back at the cafe. “Well, miss, have you decided yet?” I looked at the cashier, my eyes wide. “Yes.”

Questions…

Can there be anything sweeter than the kiss of a mind gone mad?
What magisty of noise and purpose!
Do you think God loves the crazies?

Those folks with hearts bigger than Texas and minds that have no idea what to do with them?
What about our bodies?
Do they forgive us our overindulgence, our stuffing down of pain?

Vows of suffering and poverty…
What place do they play in the soul’s evolution?
Can we chose again this lifetime?

Will we burn in hell?
Oh, those shackles of thought
…No story ever told is true


“Shackles” prompt courtesy of OSI

Gratia

 

Red M&Ms when I want blue
Questions and pleadings to beings more enlightened than I

All so hollow

And then
A flash, an internal answer

What if some dreams (maybe even your biggest) weren’t meant to come true?

What if you were given a reason?
…And it had nothing to do with being unworthy, or being punished for the past, or that you have karma to work out

What if grace was leading you to better dreams…

Would it make a difference? 

Like chain smoking, misery is a hard addiction to break.
How do I define my life without the push and the pull?

Today I received an angelic communiqué.  Yes, I’ll just come out and say it…

Grace blew me away

Angel photo by LocalTravelPhotos
The prompt “Hollow” courtesy of the ever wonderful OSI