Monsters don’t jump out of closets, they clack across old linoleum with big eyes and lolling tongues. They act on impulse, quirk their heads when confused, and jump at the scent of food. Believe me, they have an agenda. Don’t let their outward cuteness sway you – I made that mistake once and pay for it every day. You may very well ask how I live with it.
I won’t bore you with the saga of sharing a small apartment with a pug. Better to ask how clouds form rain. Why E = MC2. You don’t want to hear about their snoring. Their incessant need to lick everything in sight. The food addiction, the obscene shedding. Life is too short to talk about their half goat/ half pig genetics. These are horrors that would haunt your dreams.
Just beware of these beasts if you ever come across them. Their eyes will mesmerize you as they reach into your very soul… you will find yourself reaching out to touch them. My friend, at that point you will be lost and all hope gone. Go to your closet, throw out all your dark clothes and prepare for a new life. Some say their devotion is worth the trade-off. Their love a balm to life’s misfortunes. But I say there is nothing so terrifying as a hungry pug. And just because I *must* kiss my own every day does not mean I have succumbed to his charms. I mean look at that face! He’s so
cute annoying. You are warned!