Category: Bittersweet

The Shining Blade

April Belle

“There are those who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.  He who is able to accept this, let him accept it.”

–Matthew 19:12

Ever since I read this yesterday I’ve been contemplating its meaning- whether in the shower or watching Galaxy Quest with my son or even staring into the fridge wondering what I’m having for lunch.

Like the metaphorical eunuch, can I cut off my false dreams, painful thoughts, and delusional fantasies? Is this cutting off even possible?  I’m intrigued.  I’m scared.  I’ve crushed some thoughts to my chest like an old rag doll – doesn’t matter if it’s coming apart at the seams.  Doesn’t matter if it offers nothing in return for my devotion… I don’t want to let go.

Looking back, I see how loss was part of the journey and even sowed the seeds for future joy. Intellectually I get that. Emotionally, letting go can feel as if I am giving up on purpose. And yet there is something in me that dares to know the truth. Maybe the modern day eunuch questions his thinking and the thoughts release him. Maybe questioning is the fire that heats the blade. Maybe the eunuchs know.

Maybe I can know.

Photo by Xtream_i

The Daily Prompt: Purpose

(and, yes, abbreviated quote from Matthew 19:12 )

Twin Flames

April Belle

me and my shadow

He crossed his arms. “Why do you watch me?”

I pulled my hood lower down my forehead. “Your aura.”

His black eyes narrowed. “I don’t believe in that stuff.”

I hugged myself and turned away. “Which is why I’ve kept my distance.”

“And yet I know you’re there all the same. When will you lose interest?” He lifted a lock of my hair and tugged.

The fog drifted as I pondered this haunting question yet again. “When I go to you and instead find my feet walking in another direction.”

He let go of me and started pacing. “I’ve never led you to believe…”

“This isn’t about that. We’re bound, twin flames. We work better together than apart.” I shrugged. “Romantic love doesn’t have to be part of it.”

He laughed. “Do you know what my heart feels when I see you?”

Surprise flashed like lightning. “I didn’t think you felt anything. Or perhaps, pity.”

He laughed as long steps carried him to the shadows. Devil’s eyes found mine and pinned me. “The need to possess.”

It was a challenge, a fork flung into the middle of a road. And I, sure of his ambivalence, was completely unprepared.

Photo by Alice Popkorn

The Daily Post: Fork

Nadia’s Test

April Belle

fearful thoughts

“Do you understand?”

“I do.”

“The poison you drink will hurt.”

“I’m aware.”

“You won’t be the same, you’ll be… changed.”

“Just give it to me. I can’t continue to live as I am.”

“Remember, a mere sip will do, death is not the objective.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. You don’t know. There is nothing else.”

“Transformation is never easy, Nadia. And there is something else… if you’re brave.”

Photo Alice Popkorn

The Daily Post: Grain

Bad Bangs

April Belle

I did it to myself

Followed the directions to a T.

Stepped into the shower and washed out all the goop.

Dripping, I entered a steamy world of white.

The mirror showed me nothing.  Not yet.  Too soon.

Rub, rub… oh the toes were a-tapping.  Time to peek?  Just a little one?

Now…

Grab the hair dryer… Point at the mirror… flip the switch and let it roar.

Oh… soon!  Soon the New Me!

Perfect circle forms on glass too revealing, too sharp.

I stand transfixed.

This cannot be…there must be some mistake!

My hair is strawberry-yellowy?  Incandecent orange?  WHAT THE HELL IS IT?

I grab clippers and feel the vibration in my hand as I ponder.

Bad bangs were the least of my problems.

I must stop doing this to myself.

And I will…

Right after I fix this.

Just this.

…

Thanks to OSI for the awesome prompt, Incandescent.