The “Talk”

“Pinch your cheeks, try not to smile too wide, and for God’s sake, don’t frown!”

“I don’t frown… do I?”

“And remember to arrive fashionably late, don’t just walk, sashay across the floor as if you own the place.”

“Um….”

“Now, this is important–try to look blasé. Nothing shouts, ‘Woman over 40 desperate to meet a man’ than a blatant scan of the room.”

“Ok….”

“Now… let’s see… breath mints?”

“Yes siree. Altoids… they’ll put out a forest fire.”

“Extra pair of underpants?”

Gulp….

“Well, then, go get them! And not the grandma ones!”

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary… ”

“Toothpaste and travel brush?”

“Yes!”

“Remember, this isn’t just another holiday, woman! It’s December, the single most depressing month of year for single men and women. This is YOUR month. YOUR time to shine. Let’s bring your sexy back, ok?”

“But what about, you know, the ‘reason for the season’ and all that? Jesus? Love? Sugar cookies sprinkled with hope?”

Blank look. “Right, right. That too. Now go out there and have some fun. Oh, and take this along…”

“A miniature bottle of brandy?!”

“What,  you expect to drink plain eggnog? Hell, woman, live dangerously.”

“You know, Grandpa, this is a church Christmas party I’m going to, right?”

“Semper Paratus, my dear girl, Semper Paratus.” He winked. “Always be prepared.”
….

(This was fun to write and was another minimalist experimentation with dialogue. I love playing with brevity! Thanks to Sunday Scribbling for the prompt of “December”)